firsts and latests.

nothing to do but sit here and grovel with why im laid up. and i have zero idea why there is an underline under all the text.  dont care enough to look around.  the top photo is bill kahn, from 2001.  my first trip to the redwoods.  the one under it was the most recent trip to the same spot.  last summer with 30 other like minded folks.  motorbikes, camping and a damn fine time.  i said same spot but,,, well, its in the same park, just a few miles from one another.  even though ive sat on my ass for almost 3 months now, doing fairly alright because i know things should go back to normal.  hopefully.  who knows how many years this wreck took off of my upright life.  money wouldnt make it any better, it would just tremedously soften the blow.  if i could buy a house with some settlement money, god damn that would be nice.     instead, im sitting here with my withering muscles, losing 2 pounds a week.  ive got an exercise bike that ive been riding in the living room to try and get some muscle back in my legs, but its still too early to tell if its gonna help.  with m.s. you have a hard time gaining muscle because your current muscles get beat to death before youre able to to work them hard enough to gain/build muscle.  so depending on that amazing situation, there is potential i will never walk again.  at 33, thats not an easy one to swallow.   keepin my head up, but hours of boredom plague my head.  getting out of the house isnt enough.  a normal life like i had the morning of march 2nd would more than mend it.  out of touch with reality is a son of a bitch.  
so we will see about my job and vacation time, but my main goal for this summer is to be better than last summer and even though its off to one hell of a start, there is still potential after all.  cant wait to get back on the road under my own control and power. 
8 more days.